Children Come First

Savage: When somebody writes me a letter and says, “X happened, I’m thinking I should leave.” My first response is always, “Do you have children?” That’s going to color my advice because I think the needs of children and the damage they may experience has to be factored in, and maybe you should suck it up for your kids.

Klein: The tension that’s emerged mostly since the 1950s is between doing what’s best for your kids versus your self-actualization. The therapy industry is partly culpable, as it talks out of both sides of its mouth; on the one hand, we say you should be true to yourself. On the other, we want every parent to be responsible and adult.

Savage: I get in trouble for saying it, but once you have kids, you can’t keep reinventing yourself. Constancy is a virtue that is under-discussed, undervalued, and a huge gift you give your children. Not that you can’t keep learning and growing. Not that you can’t change incrementally, but there’s no moving to India dragging your seven-year-old along. Your child’s sense of security in the world and in your relationship is more important.

Marty Klein, Dan Savage, For Saying It, The Humanist Interview with Dan Savage (11/01/2013)

• change
• parenting
• responsibility
• self-actualization