Children Come First

Savage: When somebody writes me a letter and says, “X happened, I’m thinking I should leave.” My first response is always, “Do you have children?” That’s going to color my advice because I think the needs of children and the damage they may experience has to be factored in, and maybe you should suck it up for your kids.

Klein: The tension that’s emerged mostly since the 1950s is between doing what’s best for your kids versus your self-actualization. The therapy industry is partly culpable, as it talks out of both sides of its mouth; on the one hand, we say you should be true to yourself. On the other, we want every parent to be responsible and adult.

Savage: I get in trouble for saying it, but once you have kids, you can’t keep reinventing yourself. Constancy is a virtue that is under-discussed, undervalued, and a huge gift you give your children. Not that you can’t keep learning and growing. Not that you can’t change incrementally, but there’s no moving to India dragging your seven-year-old along. Your child’s sense of security in the world and in your relationship is more important.


The time for self-actualization and personal reinvention is over when you have children. You may continue to change gradually and self-improve, but dramatic change is irresponsible. Children need stability.

Folksonomies: parenting change responsibility self-actualization

/family and parenting/children (0.706860)
/education/distance learning (0.305898)
/law, govt and politics (0.298008)

children (0.948958 (positive:0.040451)), personal reinvention (0.765436 (positive:0.453143)), dramatic change (0.673596 (negative:-0.542312)), therapy industry (0.610259 (negative:-0.508734)), huge gift (0.583527 (positive:0.523771)), self-actualization (0.457968 (positive:0.531369)), kids (0.440885 (negative:-0.056583)), Savage (0.344356 (negative:-0.419482))

Savage:Person (0.943082 (negative:-0.152275)), Klein:Person (0.701466 (positive:0.491310)), India:Country (0.535486 (negative:-0.675570)), seven-year:Quantity (0.535486 (neutral:0.000000)), one hand:Quantity (0.535486 (neutral:0.000000))

Need (0.911699): dbpedia | freebase
Child (0.745022): dbpedia | freebase | opencyc
Thought (0.743580): dbpedia | freebase | opencyc
The Damage (0.743339): dbpedia | freebase | yago
Want (0.724810): dbpedia | freebase
1950s (0.724199): dbpedia | freebase
Psychology (0.695446): dbpedia | freebase | opencyc

 For Saying It, The Humanist Interview with Dan Savage
Periodicals>Magazine Article:  Klein, Marty and Savage, Dan (11/01/2013), For Saying It, The Humanist Interview with Dan Savage, The Humanist, Retrieved on 2013-11-02
  • Source Material []
  • Folksonomies: homosexuality sexuality interview


    14 JUN 2011

     Parenthood and Family

    Parent schema for child schemas about being a good parent, dealing with pregnancy, and raising intelligent children.