Books, Brochures, and Chapters>Book: McGowan , Dale (2007-04-25), Parenting Beyond Belief, Amacom Books, Retrieved on 2012-03-28Source Material [books.google.com]
Folksonomies: family relationships Memes
28 MAR 2012
Religion has Much to Offer Parents
Religion has much to offer parents: an established community, a predefined set of values, a common lexicon and symbology, rites of passage, a means of engendering wonder, comforting answers to the big questions, and consoling explanations to ease experiences of hardship and loss. But for most secularists, these benefits come at too high a price. Many feel that intellectual integrity is compromised, the word “values” too often turned on its head, an us-versus-them mentality too often reinf... 1 
notes
notesBut the community and comfort comes at too high a cost for many secularists.
28 MAR 2012
Parenting Means Having Explanations at "A Moment's Notice"
There are many outstanding resources for adults wishing to consider the arguments in support of and in opposition to religious belief itself. And that’s important work: Intellectual and ethical maturity can be measured in part by a person’s willingness to engage in constant reflection on what he or she holds to be true and good. Parents in particular must be able to articulate the foundations of their own values and beliefs at a moment’s notice—and what better describes the appearance... 1 notes
notesSo it's important for parents to have a strong philosophical ground and have spent time reflecting on issues.
28 MAR 2012
Encourage a Child to Think Well
Encourage a child to think well, then trust her to do so. Removing religion by no means guarantees kids will think independently and well. Consider religion itself: Kids growing up in a secular home are at the same risk of making uninformed decisions about religion as are those in deeply religious homes. In order to really think for themselves about religion, kids must learn as much as possible about religion as a human cultural expression while being kept free of the sickening idea that they... 1 notes
notesAnd trust them to do so.
Child Reference
Teaching Kids to Yawn at Counterfeit WonderBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: McGowan, Ph.D., Dale (2007), Teaching Kids to Yawn at Counterfeit Wonder, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: wonder 28 MAR 2012
Wonderful Factoids
1. If you condense the history of the universe to a single year, humans would appear on December 31st at 10:30 PM—99.98 percent of the history of the universe happened before humans even existed.
2. Look at a gold ring. As the core collapsed in a dying star, a gravity wave collapsed inward with it. As it did so, it slammed into the thundering sound wave heading out of the collapse. In that moment, as a star died, the gold in that ring was formed.
3. We are star material that knows it exis... 1 notes
notesTo instill in a child the sense of wonder.
28 MAR 2012
Get a Child Addicted to the Real Wonders of the World
It’s easy to get a child addicted to real wonders if you start early enough. Simply point them out—they are all around us—and include a few references to what was once thought to be true. Take thunder. Explain that a bolt of lightning rips through the air, zapping trillions of air molecules with energy hotter than the Sun. Those superheated molecules explode out of the way with a crack! Then the bolt is gone, and all those molecules smash into each other again as they fill in the emptin...Folksonomies: wonder sense of wonder
Folksonomies: wonder sense of wonder
1 notes
notesTeach them the fact of thunder and lightening and then tell them the god-explanation and see which one they think is more interesting.
28 MAR 2012
The Wonder of Curing Polio
The most compelling cases of preferring fact to fiction are the most practical. All the prayer, animal sacrifice, and chanting in the world couldn’t cure polio—the Salk vaccine did. And how did we find it? Through rigorous, skeptical, critical thinking and testing and doubting of every proposed solution to the problem of polio until only one solution was left standing. Let others find uncritical acceptance of pretty notions a wonderful thing. I’m more awestruck by the idea of ending pol...
1 It was someone who immersed themself in testable reality that cured polio, no amount of prayer or chanting achieved this.
Child Reference
Dealing with Death in the Secular FamilyBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Gibbons, Rev. Dr. Kendyl (2007), Dealing with Death in the Secular Family, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: atheism 28 MAR 2012
The Finality of Death Makes Life Even More Precious
Many people—including, presumably, most of those reading this book—believe that death is probably the final end of all personal experience and do not expect to continue their existence in some other life or other world. In this view, it is precisely the fact that our lives are limited that makes them precious. How we choose to use our time is all the more important when we know that we won’t have the opportunity to do everything. The fact that we can lose the ones we love makes it urgen... 1 notes
notesThe atheist perspective.
Child Reference
The End, As We Know ItBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Hyman, Noell (2007), The End, As We Know It, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
Teaching Children About Death
In a discussion on my blog regarding teaching kids about death, one of my readers commented that he uses a book called Lifetimes, by Bryan Mellonie. He explained that the book describes the lifetimes of various living things and focuses on the life that happens in between birth and death.
He explained, “I tell my kids that they do continue, not only in the life matter and lineage cycle, but as part of the world/universe per se. ‘The world produced life and us along with it. We are not se... 1 notes
notesVarious strategies for secularists to teach children this fact of life.
Child Reference
Seven Secular Virtues: Humility, Empathy, Courage, Honesty, Openness, Generosity, and GratitudeBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: McGowan, Ph.D., Dale (2007), Seven Secular Virtues: Humility, Empathy, Courage, Honesty, Openness, Generosity, and Gratitude, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: atheism humanism 28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Humility
Humility, like so many of these virtues, is about caring what others think and feel, about giving validation to others instead of seeking it all for yourself. The best way for parents to teach this, of course, is to model humility ourselves. Monitor your next conversation. How often can you catch yourself saying, “I may be wrong about that”—no one should know more than a skeptic that everything includes an element of doubt—and how often do your kids hear you saying it? How often do yo... 1 notes
notesHumanists, who know we come from apes, are naturally humble.
28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Empathy
Continually pushing out the empathy boundary is a life’s work. We can help our kids begin that critical work as early as possible not by preaching it but by embodying it. Allow your children to see poverty up close. Travel to other countries if you can, staying as long as possible until our shared humanity becomes unmistakable. Engage other cultures and races not just to value difference but to recognize sameness. It’s difficult to hate when you begin to see yourself in the other. And why... 1 notes
notesWe must have an empathetic impulse, even for the impulse to believe in religion.
28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Courage
Kids need to know that nonconformity requires courage. There are plenty of nonconformists to draw upon as examples, secular and religious people alike, from Socrates to Martin Luther King to Michael Newdow—people whose strength of conviction led them to face with dignity and courage the consequences of stepping outside of the norm in the name of heartfelt principles. It isn’t easy, but doing what’s right can be well worth it.
The second reason is even more daunting. As noted above, rel... 1 notes
notesNonconformity requires courage. So does accepting non-existence after death.
28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Honesty
Honesty is the essence of secularism. It is a willingness to set aside any and every comfort in order to know the truth that allowed us to see our way out of religious belief. Somewhat more difficult is ensuring that we practice the same level of honesty in all other aspects of our lives. I say “somewhat more difficult” because in truth most of the humanists and atheists I know are relentlessly, exhaustively honest, sometimes to a comical extent. We are often paralyzed by our obsession wi... 1 notes
notesNot only honest to the truth, but honest with others about our non-belief.
28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Openness
Openness has several facets, but all are rooted in the same two principles: embracing your own fallibility and embracing diversity.
Secularists, being human, are as prone as anyone to cling stubbornly to our opinions once they’re established. Openness includes recognizing our own fallibility: No matter how thoroughly we have examined a question, we could still be wrong. The best way to avoid being wrong is to keep our opinions and ideas open to challenge and potential disconfirmation.
The... 1 notes
notesThe best way to avoid being wrong is to be open to ideas that challenge us.
28 MAR 2012
The Myth of Church-Goer Charity
That churchgoers do the lion’s share of the charitable work in our communities is simply untrue. They get credit for it because they do a better job of tying the good works they do to their creed. But according to a 1998 study, 82 percent of volunteerism by churchgoers falls under the rubric of “church maintenance” activities—volunteerism entirely within, and for the benefit of, the church building and immediate church community. As a result of this siphoning of volunteer energy into ... 1 notes
notesMost of their charity is within their own congregation.
28 MAR 2012
The Virtue of Gratitude
We have no difficulty reminding the 4-year-old to “say thank you” when Grandma hands her an ice cream cone, but in other situations—especially when a religious turn-of-phrase is generally used—we often pass up the chance to teach our kids to express gratitude in naturalistic terms. Instead of thanking God for the food on your table, thank those who really put it there—the farmers, the truckers, the produce workers, and Mom or Dad or Aunt Millicent. They deserve it. Maybe you’d lik... 1 notes
notesWe have real people all around us to be thankful to.
Child Reference
Double Vision: Teaching Our Twins Pride and RespectBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Cherry, Shannon and Cherry, Matthew (2007), Double Vision: Teaching Our Twins Pride and Respect, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: atheism 28 MAR 2012
Humanist Values in Parenting
Sure, God isn’t watching us—but our children certainly are!
We believe that the best foundation for respecting others is respect for oneself. Once the girls value themselves, it’s easier to teach them to respect their possessions, family, friends, and the world around them. We want our daughters to have compassion, courage, and creativity, but to do that the girls need to develop a fourth C—confidence.
The Ancient Greeks taught that pride was a virtue; indeed, Aristotle said it was ... 1 notes
notesCritical-Thinking skills, instilling self-confidence, praise, and encouraging potential.
Child Reference
Behaving Yourself: Moral Development in the Secular FamilyBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Mercer, Ph.D., Jean , Behaving Yourself: Moral Development in the Secular Family, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
he Development of Moral Reasoning
The earliest stage Kohlberg described was one in which right and wrong are defined by punishment rather than by any larger principle. If something is followed by punishment, it was wrong; if it is not, it was right. The light-fingered 5-year-old mentioned before was at this stage. A second stage considers reward as an important indication that something is right. The stress in these early stages is on works, not faith—rightness or wrongness is identified in terms of what a person actually d... 1 notes
notesAs defined by Lawrence Kohlberg.
Child Reference
Morality and EvilBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Matthews, Ph.D., Gareth B. (2007), Morality and Evil, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: atheism morality 28 MAR 2012
Euthyphro
Yet the divine trump card is not fully effective in the way religious parents may expect. This was shown a long time ago by Plato in his dialogue, Euthyphro. In that dialogue Socrates asks what the holy is. After several failed efforts to answer the question, Euthyphro offers the suggestion that the holy is doing what the gods love. Socrates then asks, “Is it holy because the gods love it, or do the gods love it because it is holy?”
We can translate Socrates’s famous question into the ... 1 notes
notesIs something good because god commands it, or does god command it because it's good?
Child Reference
Counterpoint: Santa Claus—the Ultimate Dry RunBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: McGowan , Dale (2007), Counterpoint: Santa Claus—the Ultimate Dry Run, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
Santa Clause and God
It’s hard to even consider the possibility that Santa isn’t real. Everyone seems to believe he is. As a kid, I heard his name in songs and stories and saw him in movies with very high production values. My mom and dad seemed to believe, batted down my doubts, told me he wanted me to be good and that he always knew if I wasn’t. And what wonderful gifts I received! Except when they were crappy, which I always figured was my fault somehow. All in all, despite the multiple incredible improb... 1 notes
notesOne is a myth meant to expire, the other is a myth meant to last a lifetime.
28 MAR 2012
Using Santa Claus as a Teachable Moment
But as our son Connor began to exhibit the incipient inklings of Kringledoubt, it occurred to me that something powerful was going on. I began to see the Santa paradigm as an unmissable opportunity—the ultimate dry run for a developing inquiring mind.
My boy was 8 years old when he started in with the classic interrogation: How does Santa get to all those houses in one night? How does he get in when we don’t have a chimney and all the windows are locked and the alarm system is on? Why do... 1 notes
notesTell the child the fantastic story about Santa Claus, but answer their skeptical questions truthfully.
Child Reference
Teaching Children to Stand On Principle--Even When the Going Gets ToughBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Downey, Margaret (2007), Teaching Children to Stand On Principle--Even When the Going Gets Tough, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
Prejudice of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA)
Our Sunday mornings began with the smell of a big breakfast. Our traditional Sunday “worship” took place in our kitchen. We worshiped each other and thanked the adult income-makers for providing us all with good food, a roof over our heads, and all the comforts we never took for granted. Sunday breakfast was a time for planning the upcoming week (we all brought our calendars to the table), discussing the events of the past week, distributing allowances, enjoying good food, and a lot of jo...Folksonomies: atheism discrimination
Folksonomies: atheism discrimination
1 notes
notesStory of a child being subject to heartbreaking discrimination for being an atheist.
Child Reference
Passing Down the Joy of Not Collecting StampsBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Jillette, Penn (2007), Passing Down the Joy of Not Collecting Stamps, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: atheism 28 MAR 2012
Truth Survives
There is no god, and that’s the simple truth. If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing was passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it out again. Without hype, Lot’s salt-heap ho would never be thought of again. Without science, the Earth still goes around the sun and someda... 1 notes
notesScience can be lost and rediscovered exactly as we left it. Religion, if lost, will never be found the same way again.
Child Reference
My Father's HouseBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Barker, Dan (2007), My Father's House, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
How Atheist Parents Let Their Children Enjoy Santa Claus
When Sabrina was little, she had a vivid imagination, like most children. (She still does!) We all had a lot of fun pretending, playing games with imaginary creatures and friends. That is a healthy part of learning and growing. Rather than tell Sabrina that the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus were lies, we told her that we were pretending they were real, just like characters in a book or cartoon. She never had to go through the process of unlearning Santa or the Easter Bunny. We figured that this... 1 notes
notesTell the child we are "pretending" there is a Santa Claus and Easter Bunny, let them in on joke so there is nothing to unbelieve.
28 MAR 2012
Religion is a Solution to a Non-Problem
At the 2005 World Religions Conference, I was asked to represent atheism, sitting on the stage with a Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Sikh, Hindu, and Native American spiritualist. (I accepted the invitation only after making it clear that atheism is not a religion, and they agreed to include it as a “world philosophy.”) The theme of the conference was “salvation,” and each of us was asked to summarize our respective positions on that topic. After pointing out that “sin” is a re...Folksonomies: atheism
Folksonomies: atheism
1 notes
notesIt's like a doctor going around cutting people in order to heal them.
Child Reference
Navigating Around the Dinner TableBooks, Brochures, and Chapters>Book Chapter: Sweeney, Julia (2007-04-25), Navigating Around the Dinner Table, Retrieved on 2012-03-28
Folksonomies: parenting atheism 28 MAR 2012
Teaching a Child About Death
My dad used to take naps next to my daughter on the bed and I remember seeing them in there—my father with his oxygen machine and my daughter curled up next to him—and it was all so dreamy and loving and cute. And so, it was a big deal when he died. And my daughter had questions.
When she asked “What happens after we die?” I said, “To be honest, darling—we decompose.” And she wanted to know what that meant. A bird had died in our backyard and so we watched how it disappeared a ... 1 notes
notesJulia Sweeney describes how she taught her daughter about death after her grandfather died.
28 MAR 2012
How an Atheist Recites the Pledge
Mulan started kindergarten at our local public school. And as part of her day at school, she said the “Pledge of Allegiance.” She proudly repeated it to me, and the “under God” part made me flinch. “You don’t have to say ‘under God’ you know,” I said—and her eyes widened with fear. “What do you mean?” I said, “You can just keep your mouth closed during that part. I don’t believe in God. These people in the government allowed that to get stuck in there much later. I... 1 notes
notesThey say "Under Laws" instead of "Under God".
